I am just talking..

by shalinijena

I don’t know what that pain is. I don’t know how traumatic it could be. But if I still feel haunted and scared when a bicycle goes past me in the night because when I was 15, a man in a cycle came peddling from the front, grabbed my breasts so hard I could hardly breathe leaving me frozen on the spot with a look of glee on his face. I could not sleep for days and I could not talk about it, even when I gave hints, I saw embarrassed looks and I wondered why me. Why me!

Yes, I don’t know what rape could do and I don’t have any right to say anything on that matter too, but I still remember that glee on his face – that smirk still haunts me. No, I don’t wish it had never happened. It happened and its gone and I don’t give a damn. Maybe it must be the same for her and so many more victims like her, maybe they will go on with their lives only if their family stands by them- no matter what. Maybe they will be ok. Haunted, yes – but ok..

When the news is fresh, people like to know about it. They even want to be a part of it if they can. They want to stand for the ‘right’, for the ’cause’ – they want to get out of their nothing-important-to-do lives. This news, sorry – “sensational” news – is their escape.

For activists – its time to motivate people again, for students – its something the ‘youth’ must be a part of, for parents – its a coffee discussion with other parents and for the media – its a jackpot.

So, where do I stand? What do I think?

I think the roads are unsafe.
I think rapes are not considered as severe crimes yet.
I think she wouldn’t be un-raped if we skin her assaulters or chop their penises.
I think the black dots on our profiles make no sense.
I think we are going to forget everything till the media finds something else to hype about.
(It actually has -“death of the nation because Sachin retired”…. Lets save our expressions – we’ll need it soon )

We don’t need to kill the bastards. That won’t be justice, that would be murder.
We don’t need to give capital punishments. Cos the next time a man rapes – which he will, he would prefer killing her off – cos either way – he’s gonna die.
We don’t need to castrate him, because that will be a shallow definition of rape. To understand that, please click here.

He is a monster – we’re right. And so are we – for killing the dogs on the road – by giving them poisoned chicken. We are monsters – for wasting that water we are so privileged to have while thousands die drinking the contaminated, dirty flow. We are monsters – for slipping a coin into the hands of a hapless beggar. What do we think he’ll do with that ‘kindness’ of ours? We are monsters – for cutting that tree in our backyard – which is a home to hundreds. We are monsters- because we are unaffected by the injustice of the world. We are monsters – because we flip the page without a care which reads that a Pakistani was burnt alive because he disrespected the Quran. How many black dots does he get?

Please. Think.
Think what you are doing. Cos I am thinking too.
And I find myself nowhere.
I am helpless, just like you are.
I am driven by the moment, just like you are.
All of a sudden, I see rape cases in every fucking column of the newspaper. And I am affected reading every one of them. Cos I am driven by this moment..
My mind has a memory that only remembers that matters to me. Just like you have.
And yet, I request you to think.
Beyond the daily.
Beyond what they are showing you.
Think. What are you exactly fighting for?
For the girl? Cos, believe me – this is a piece of her life she can never forget, it might even haunt her forever – but she is gonna be ok (I was wrong. She died)..

For the future of other girls? Cos by changing our mind-sets, living without ego, living safe – and by trusting less.. we are gonna be ok.. And if not – that is cos we are just so unfortunate..

For the future of the nation?
Are you sure?

Its time to know what we want. Think what we really want. Do we want a country where we can live without fear? A country where women are respected not by necessity but by duty?

If yes,then maybe its time to look into the fact that why is violence always pointed out at them. The men in neat, ironed coats in our society preach about women and their rights but refuse to agree that they are as capable, important and skilled as they are. We need to go to schools, health institutions, look into our own families, learn ways to tackle conservative ideologies within, we need to question ours and their religion, we need to take a stand, even if that means joining political parties and bullying those who don’t make sense. We need to make noise. Sensible noise.


Goodnight 🙂