Day 6 – Where do I start?

by shalinijena

I can’t remember why I started this whole ‘Day’ thing for a title. Probably for myself to remember when was the last time I started writing about things that matter. Yes, things that matter.

I was talking to a girl the other day who wants to become an actor. She has studied law, the complete course and then she decided her passion was acting. Now, she wants to go abroad for her higher studies. Its a painstaking process by the way – looking for the right place to invest on your career and that too when its your parents money at stake. When you are younger, you think it can be paid back and then you grow older. Older and wiser. I hate it.

So anyway – we started talking about our prospective, hopefully bleak futures and she says, ‘you know what. This is the point in our lives when we go like – oh fuck. So this is what life is all about!?‘

And we agreed. And we laughed.

So in a nutshell. How do I tell you what’s been going on with me.

I want to become an editor. I got a job too at as an assistant editor, it didn’t work out. I had taken up that job in a hurry. I just wanted to start working and get paid. It was peanuts but meant something to me. 

In the process I learnt this – my whole concept of not having contacts and doing it all by myself doesn’t really work. I mean, if I was that awesome a spokesperson that could have made some sense. But am one of those people who are too shy to say ‘I am good’ or ‘Hey. I work for you. So better pay me.’ Its a strange industry. Working for free is what most people have to start with. And unlike other sectors, the internship period is neither paid nor does it ever end. Or maybe I just don’t know the tricks yet. Did you notice the sad part yet? I have to learn the tricks to get what I deserve. 

So in short, I was sort of depressed. But tried keeping my calm.

Hope. As long as its there, I think I can go on.

So why was or am I depressed? To start with. I am 22. And unlike any of my friends, am unemployed. And those who are studying, please don’t bother to disagree.

Only if I could compromise on my will to work for ‘any editing’, life could be easier. But I can’t do that. I tried. I just can’t.

Someday I will explain you what really editing is, if your sort of confused ‘what is real editing now?’ But I can tell you this – its magic. 🙂

Life is hard. And its painful too. Anybody who has gone through pain – would know that it can neither be measured nor be compared. Happiness is truly a gift of ignorance. I am glad I have lived that too. But what is most important is to be able to go on. Keep doing what you love to do against all the odds. It might or might not be fruitful. But it will be a life, lived. Not survived.

Thank you for reading. Now am off to my best friend’s wedding in Hyderabad. Mumbai – I know you won’t miss me. But be kind when I come back please. 

Love,
God’s muse.