Day 4 – On track, for now

by shalinijena

Whenever I am confused, messed up or feel lost – I clean. Last night when I came back home, I looked around and saw the mess. It was disgusting. There goes a pile of clothes on one corner, cigarette ashes in other, towel and bags scattered on the bed, unwashed garbs lying uselessly for what seems like ages now – I felt like everything was stinking.

I cleaned up, took a long bath and sat down to write. Not here, I have another diary. But that’s only for horny stuff.

There was a strange calm. I felt ok. Where had the turmoil gone? Yesterday, I wanted to die, today I feel life is good. No, I still don’t have a job. I don’t have many opportunities coming my way either. And I haven’t yet knocked all the possible doors, possibly because I am too scared too. But still, it felt ok.

I decided to go back to complete my internship. I took the transcript of the video I am supposed to edit and started reading it. And for the first time I realised, I had not really read it before. I saw I had marked certain things but somehow, did not really understand it two weeks back. I wanted to come to office the next morning and make a meaningful content out of it. And that – is something I have probably conditioned myself to believe – but hell yea, it works.

If there is nothing better you think will come your way, perhaps its a sign to do the best of what lies in front.

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