I am bored.
Even though I know that half the world out there is going through the same right now, I find no solace.
I am bored to the extent I even question my existence. No, not in a worldly, spiritual and crappy godly way (and I said it. Wo!). I mean it as a youngster, the youth – that age group which always has friends and people to be with.
I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t see somebody ugly. And I ask myself, what the hell is wrong with me. I am ordinary. That is good. Why can’t I just live like an ordinary? Why do I have to be alone and lonely. Frustrated and detached from life and friends. I have to be upto something. I have to break free of all these constraints in my head. I want to live my life, think I could be able to smile away from this stupid computer and the ‘social networking friends’. Why am I interested in whatever is going on in their dumbass lives. I am sure its worse than mine anyway.
I am angry.
I am upset.
I feel so lonely that I want to cry. But there is nothing worth to even cry about. I like my job, its fun, its better than what others get to do. But I have no excitement in me. The friends that I loved, I feel I don’t even like them anymore. And the guys I had/have in my life – I feel like kicking their asses and never ever giving a shit if they live or die. But I won’t do that. Tell you why? Cos I can’t afford to be more lonely.
I am not sad. I just need something to be happy about. Don’t I? I am human, after all.