I am always afraid..

by shalinijena

I am afraid of something
I don’t know what it is
But I am afraid of admitting it
I am afraid of its force
Its effect on me
The way it makes me do
Anything it wants to
I am afraid of its voice
That pulls me
Even in the darkness of it
That I can’t resist
I am afraid of it
I am afraid of that something

I want to get over it
Over that past
And the present
I want to know what I feel
What I feel and be true to myself
I am afraid of losing that me
I am afraid of not being real
I don’t know what it is
I just don’t know what it is…

And its making me mad
Asking me again and again
I say I don’t know
And it says I lie
I am desperate
To get out
But I can’t know
It pulls me back
The more I stretch
And now I afraid again
That I will be exhausted
And end up submitting
I am afraid to be what I am
Because I don’t know if I am alone
If I am then I will be glad
And if not
Then I will be lost again
I know…