Kasturba – Introduction

by shalinijena

My name is Kasturba. Yes. I am not a 70’s fictional character. I am brought up in the 20th century with a birth certificate which carries that name. It asks me to be proud of it. In my Levis bottoms and reebok tank top, I don’t think it is something I can be proud of. All my life I have asked my folks whatever was wrong with them when they thought of naming me THAT. They tell me the history of the  Tortoise avatar of Lord Vishnu and end up laughing about it. But till now, they haven’t answered me what went wrong with them. But its ok, I have lived 20 years of my life with that. I can live another 30. Yes, that’s how long I plan to live after all.

Ethics. Such a small word can make so much of hype. They tell me it is unethical to let go of your life. I ask them that isn’t this life supposed to be mine and none of your business? What about my parents they ask. I say I don’t care. And they tell me I am heartless, too insensitive to be even human. Like I care, in hell!

I want to relate people to around me. But I can’t. I tried and now I have stopped doing that. They don’t even make movies on people like me. Into the Wild was perhaps the only one I have seen so far and seen it throughout. I hate watching the ‘artistic’ movies they make. They think its art- to make everything complicated. Now, you will say – look who’s talking. But hey, I am pretty simple. I just don’t understand people talking and caring about people. My parents love me, I know. I don’t love them. So? I have to love them because it is right? Or because it is the only thing I can do in the form of gratitude?

Did I ask them to have sex and get pregnant with me? Did I ask them to ‘love’ and take care of me? They wanted a baby. A family. A happy life. Am I supposed to be unhappy because they want a happy life? When I say it is my fucking life because it is me who is breathing and living it, they all stare at me and give me what I call the facepalm look. I don’t care. Because, I know they don’t get me. Actually they can’t.

I have learnt to ignore. Fuck them, I say. They talk about ethics. Who in the hell are they to make any rules at all? Infact all this religious crap and the dramatic rules were made up only because “people” wanted a ‘stable’ life. They have definitions for something normal and they have demarcation lines and boundaries. If you step outside it, you cross the level, it seems. Bullshit. What level are they even talking about? I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I repeat it, IT IS MY FUCKING LIFE. You get hurt because you think I am unethical. Please explain me why I am supposed to give a damn?!