Understanding your Friends. With love.
I should probably be the very last person on earth to talk about understanding other people. But, nevertheless, here I am, not trying to preach you lot, but to share what I have experienced. What I have had and lost..
There are variations of friendship, some are important, while some come and go. There are friends you care a lot about and there are others who feel the same about you. But the vice versa feelings do not tend to correspond the same way.. Have you ever felt that? Have you felt someone not caring “enough” about you? Well, I have.
Because we, humans have the tendency to analyse and understand, God gave us pain glands too. He thought, life is too fair to them, they need something to neutralize that superiority complex. And when those pain glands get to work, don’t you feel God is fairer to the animals in the wild? I mean just imagine, if wild animals can attack the weaklings for survival, then why can’t humans? Why is sacrifice applauded and why murder is called murder? Why is it ok if wild dogs kill an Impala but not if a businessman gets rid of a whistle-blower? Impala is the wild dog’s food, and the whistleblower is the businessman’s ticket to the hellhole. It is true that nothing is fair in the world, but then nothing is without a reason.
Now think about your friends. You care about them, you try to understand them but when they hurt you, you retort with the meanest things possible, even if you did not mean a word of it. This happens when we are hurt. But there is an immediate phase after – the phase were you attempt to understand. And moreover, it always takes two hands to clap. What really happened? What started the fight? Who started it? Was it entirely their fault? Was there a past incident related to that story? It is important to figure these questions out. But, there is something else which is even more important than this- Talking.
Get your friends into talking about it. Most of the relationships break because there is no rapport and frequency match between friends. If at some point, you realize that this friendship cannot work because there he/she doesn’t understand, then its better you drop your guard. If they don’t understand you, then why push it? That would be no solving, but an act of desperation. If you have done your part, realized where you went wrong, then your friend must understand you too. Try to realize what had you and if they don’t, then you know the answer.
A really close friend is more than having a lover and trust me, even your lover can be that close to you if you them be. With a friend, you don’t have to adjust, they accept you the way you are. They are with you even when you are wrong. You will never know, but secretly they try to change the not-so-great things about you. They let you be mean to them. They don’t complain when you don’t have time for them, because they know you take them for granted and they find it more funny than offended. They let you shout and yell at them. And they know, they always know that you never mean to hurt them. If you have such friends in your life, then you are lucky, forget about them who don’t care enough about you. Try to be fair and honest with people who care about you, please make no false promises and then ditch them when they need you. Let them know that you can’t care as much. Honesty is better than ignorance, at least there is no room for false hope this way. I have been there and in the other side as well. I know better than to repeat my mistakes.
At the end of this post where I shared no experience and ended up preaching anyways, I have a few words to confess.
To all my friends – who have been with me through thick and thin, bad and worse, who have never left me alone even when I asked them to – To all of them, with all my heart, and probably for the first and the last time, you guys must know that I love you and I cannot care more…