What do you believe in?

by shalinijena

Someone had once looked down at me with disdain, pointed right at my heart and with the most contemptible expression, had said that I was a strong-minded person. I had to get back home and check if it had a second meaning. There was only one – Marked by vigorous independence of thought and judgment. That was supposed to be an insult? Next day, I went up to that person, and with no sense of revenge but utter curiosity, I asked him why he called me that. At first he was a little confounded by the question and made sure I wasn’t being sarcastic, then he told me that he simply didn’t like the way I was, always questioning, skeptic, and I added for him, sensible too. He had a problem with me because he doesn’t believe girls are supposed to behave like that. Like what? Like you own the world and that you can do anything you want. Can’t we? It looks good only on movies and books, in reality; they should learn where they stand. Anywhere, but not under men I think. Whatever, he had said.

He is my friend and I never tried to change the way his thoughts take control of him. Even though today he is great friend of mine, I want him to know that deep inside, I pity him. Even if he will love his wife the most, he can probably never learn to respect her, but expect her to look up at him. He will buy anything she wishes for, but won’t let her have fun if she asks him for “permission” to go on a car trip to the countryside with her friends. He will make her what my mom and many women in this country think they are – pseudo independent women.

To be honest, I am actually not a feminist. There are many things about guys I love. I am not stereotyping, but may be it is just the way God made us, and it is wonderful, with exceptions of course. But let’s not talk about that. The point is, I have too many questions and what I once used to believe that people think alike proved to be so wrong… But I always like it when I realize that what I believed was actually built on a loosely dug pit, and no books can teach me what these little things do…

I can be so philosophical and boring at times, right? I bored my mom to death this evening! I was upset that my friends had abandoned me (like they mostly do but have reasons of course) and was crying because I thought they don’t love me and I am the worst friend ever. The reason? They could not come for a sleepover that I had planned and had ditched me in the very last minute, which I knew they will. Do I sound like I am still angry and I want them to know that I don’t want to talk to them? I guess I am. But it is ok. I can feel that way, I am human. And back to the point, the entire problem is simple – I am going through one of my moods. So when I started bawling all over my mom, she hugged me and made me talk to my sister on the phone and then, taught me how to make gulab jamuns. And what the hell, it was so easy! All that time for one and half an hour, I had been talking incessantly and there was absolutely nothing humorous about it! It was plain philosophy. I did some listening too, may be that is why she didn’t ask me to get out of her kitchen.

Tonight, there are so many things I want to talk about. Our society is insane. Here people have something called religion, caste, creed, race. Individually they mean so much, but why does everything change when they are sub divided. How can a subdivision be possible when you can’t even sum them up. If a person thinks that other religion’s tradition is not what their God believes in, then do they mean to tell us that their God differentiates between people and their beliefs? I would rather be a part of that world where I can believe what I want to, not what they ask me to.

They tell us that it is time to be together, it is time that the whole world be clubbed to become “One” and by “they” I mean the educated who are been preached and made aware about almost everyday of the society and the differences it makes to people who all are ONE species, who are supposed to understand each other and not dismiss others views to make sure that theirs is heard. I want to tell them that this world might be destroyed soon, and may be it should be, but to live with dignity, not among others, but within oneself, you need to believe in what you want to- not what you are asked. And you can want something only when you can learn to listen. And if you believe in something, you think that you want it, but you don’t know how to defend it, you don’t know what to tell people when they really want to hear your say, then you are just another orthodox, accept it or not.

If you think I am an imposing person, then yes I am which means I am a listener too. But if I think that what I believe is not “right” which again depends on an individual then I can be imposing; imposing to make my point and give justice to my belief and if someone could retort me successfully, I will be immensely proud, of myself for the time I spent, for the arguer for the wonderful friend I met. Believe is a strong word, I hope I learn more and break all the false prejudices I have been besieged with and I hope that all those people who are so afraid or just stubborn to believe in a say that is stronger, nobler and most importantly logical, learn that every true believer is fighting against them…

Wish you a very Happy Diwali. Light your houses and let the idea of “Hope” envelope our abodes and lives… Have a great day ahead.

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