Why Not digital friends come face to face?

by shalinijena

Ok I know that sounds rude and I have no idea how to start what I really want to say, but anyways, I will stop erasing what I type and just go on with the flow.

Like many other readers reading this post, I too love online chatting. It is fun, a perfect time out to recuperate work, allows multi-tasking, and caters scope for lying without stammering. It can make us what we are not and trying too hard to be. Maybe that isn’t for everyone or anyone at all. But then this discussion is entirely personal and written sans hard feelings..

I have been out with few online friends I like to talk to and somehow, the rendezvouses never went very well. At the end of the day, I have nothing to complain and every reason to say that I had a lovely day. A new turn in the relationship perhaps, but the turn is always a flip flop and everything changes.

A few more trysts (that are not blind dates) and I were pissed off. Each time I tried to figure out what exactly went wrong and lo, I never found a thing. Until now (please don’t assume mellowed wisdom here 😉 ).. I have realized that nothing goes wrong. Infact everything wouldn’t have been the same as after the meeting if I hadn’t known what to expect. When we talk to a person, we have a first impression, not that they stay forever, but they are the base of any relationship. Like..

I thought you were jerk!

(And now I wouldn’t have thought you are sweet if u weren’t a jerk. I wouldn’t have noticed the silly things you do to make me happy if I had known you have been sweet forever.)

So, when I talk to someone, whether it be my chatbox popping or cell phone ringing, I get to know the person, I get to have expectations even if I don’t want to, and when I finally meet them- those expectations seem oversold and its disappointing, even though I don’t want it to be. Had I met the same person face to face there would have been nothing to expect… I would have had a chance to know him for what he is and for not what he wants to be. And I might have liked him… and vice versa ofcourse.

For that aforesaid example, lets say I have taken this particular person as a jerk. And then when I meet this guy, there are two possibilities. He continues being a jerk or actually surprises me by being a really sweet guy instead. But when he is passing puns, he is confused and trying too hard to be funny and I laugh at his jokes just as I had when I used to type ‘lol!!’. May be he does try to be funny and maybe he is just trying to keep up that image. Either way, I doubt my judgement and that is where the bond slackens.

Relationships are like rubbers you see, resilient but slacken when tugged. I don’t want that.. I don’t want to assume a person for what he is and then demean him unconsciously, because I was too dumb to judge someone without really giving him a chance. Vice versa again.

So I finally decided to stop meeting up with online friends. They never work out. Just like long distance relationships. How can I say he is a very confidant and a bold person when I have never seen him looking into my eyes and talk? Do I know if he paces around the room when we talk on phone? Do I know if he keeps looking at the mirror or rehearses what he exactly wants to talk about? Even if he does, it is natural. But then why can’t I imagine him doing any of those! Lets say, he was too sure about a woman’s mentality, but when I meet him, he nods at everything I say and doesn’t have a lot of things to talk about. Why should my expectation be a certificate of approval and so here I am.,, Trying my best to justify myself steadfastly and yet confused to find the right words. It is just that I don’t want to lose friends who I meet online because that is how I actually like them and meeting does not accentuate the relationship as we thought it would, so its no point wasting time…

Anyways. Have a good day J

PS- ‘he’ was intentional, because why would a ‘she’ pretend to be something else with ‘she’. We are all the same anyways. (come on. Not literally :!)

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